Missing You
by waistcoat35
Summary: That was when he realised - his brother had put his life on the life for him, and in return he had all but killed him... Oneshot turned multishot. The cover is KFP3 concept art by Simon Rogers, I don't own it.
1. Part 1

**Missing You**

Oogway was sitting in a meditating pose in front of his statue, perched precariously on his staff. His back was to the statue as he mulled over memories of lost ages, staring with a glazed expression at the gathering storm clouds. Swirling clouds of various shades of grey and black hung above the Jade Palace and its grounds, and the dark tones reminded Oogway even further of things he was wondering if he'd rather forget.

It was thanks to him that his brother was gone, thanks to _him_ that he'd been forgotten, claimed by the tides of time's great ocean. Whether he'd had to do it or not, _he'd_ sent Kai to the Spirit Realm, he'd -

 _He'd murdered his own brother. He'd killed his best friend._

"No," he tried to tell himself, Kai was too far gone to be reasoned with, that wasn't his fault -

 _And why did you both find the pandas? Because he was looking for help after YOU got yourself hurt! If you hadn't found them, hadn't learnt about Chi, then maybe he'd still be here!_

"I-"

 _You were the careless one, you refused to see what he was becoming!_

"But-"

 _You weren't there for him!_

There it was. The plain truth. How many times had Kai had his back in battle, how many times had his friend been there for him, put his life on the line for him? Countless times. And just look how the tortoise had repaid him.* And in a way, that was what hurt Oogway the most, what hit him the hardest. That he should've been there for Kai and he wasn't, he failed, he wasn't worthy to be his friend...

Early on, Oogway had thought the same. He had insecurities and self-doubts, sometimes he did wonder if he was truly worthy of being friends with Kai. He considered himself lucky to have such a friend... Was that why things had gone wrong? Because he'd begun to take Kai for granted? No, it couldn't be... Even at the very end he had treasured his friend like nothing else. He'd loved him in a way that most blood brothers didn't love each other.

But over time, a nagging bubble of guilt had manifested itself inside his heart, leading him to question if he had ever truly loved his brother, if he'd done enough to stop him continuing down his dark path - a path that hadn't always been quite so dark. Even though Kai could seem intimidating at first, he'd never truly frightened Oogway - until that one moment, when... It seemed Oogway was losing him. It was worse than seeing his brother's blood leaking out on some battlefield, worse than seeing him fall down a perilous crevasse with no hope of return, because in a way losing him to the darkness was a different kind of loss - even having him disappear for good with no hope of returning would be better than having to fight him, his final memory of Kai being one of malicious green eyes burning through him.

If Kai had died through an accident or illness, at least he would've died still loving Oogway. Did he still have just a tiny amount of love towards the tortoise at the end? Or did he hate him with all his being? Oogway would never know.

He didn't deserve a stupid statue - murderers didn't get statues. They certainly didn't deserve to have friends in the first place. They were no better than demons, monsters...

 _"Join me, brother! Join me in this quest and we could rule all of China! All of the world!"_

 _"Kai, stop this madness! You're becoming..."_

 _"The most powerful being of all!"_

 _"A MONSTER!"_

Had he really called Kai a monster? Compared him to some sort of evil, dark thing lurking in the bowels of the earth? Because it was he who was a monster. He'd practically destroyed Kai himself. And now there was no way of fixing it...

"Master? Is something the matter?"

Oogway snapped out of his trance as he noticed Master Shifu looking up at him with a rare expression of concern. He realised the main cause of his student's concern must be the tears that had somehow escaped and rolled down his cheeks. Raising a claw, he quickly swiped them away before Shifu got really worried - "Thank you, Shifu, but I am fine. Merely... Reflecting, is all." He'd had almost five hundred years of practise to harden himself if anybody thought there was something wrong with him, believing their emotions to be more important than his own.

"If you're sure, Master Oogway..."

"Of course. Come, it's getting late - I expect supper will be ready, hmm?"

And the two walked away together, chatting quietly in the final glints of evening sunshine as the first drops of rain began to fall - they had both lost one they loved, both blamed themselves, but one way or another each would learn in time that as long as you still love somebody with all your heart, as long as you did what you did for them, then that's all they can ask for you - they may be gone, but at least they're not forgotten.

And as the stormclouds moved in and fat drops of rain hit the ground and the statues, the thunder echoed and resounded throughout the valley, reflecting the snores of a warrior and brother up in the Spirit Realm, dreaming old dreams and remembering times when all was not so dark.

 **Yeah... This is what happens when you write two sentences on your phone's memo pad while waiting for a bus and then exhaust yourself for an hour trying to finish it. Quite pleased with this overall, I may keep it bittersweet or I may give it a happier ending because otherwise it'll just depress me for ages... XD**

 ***Don't you even dare try to be "that guy" who strikes up the "Is-it-a-tortoise-or-a-turtle" debate in the reviews section when I'm falling asleep at the laptop. There will be trouble, there will be writing-you-in-a-book-and-killing-you-painfully, I WILL find you, and Oreos may or may not be thrown.**


	2. Part 2

**Missing You**

 **Part 2**

 **Wow, I never expected so much feedback in less than 24 hours! Thank you to those who reviewed, faved and followed this piece, and I hope that you won't be disappointed with what's to come!**

Oogway watched as his young successor traced the sacred yin and yang symbol in the water, watched as he chanced a final glance at the old master, a final smile, before disappearing into the petals, returning to the world from whence he came...  
 _Well, that's that then._  
"What do you mean?"  
 _It's all over with. Your successor's where he needs to be, the torch has been passed... And your best friend, your BROTHER, is gone. Gone to who knows where._  
"Don't think like that, this is a time for happiness, for celebration!"  
 _Yes, but it's still your fault, you know. You still killed him._  
"I-it's not my fault! Po is the one who did the deed, and there was no other way! "He - he had to! Kai was beyond reason!"  
 _Was he? Was he really? Or did you just want the panda to do your dirty work for you? Because you were too cowardly?_  
"I-"  
 _You do realise that because of you, that young panda practically has blood on his paws?_  
"What? He's used the wuxi finger hold before, I never influenced that!"  
 _Yes, but he still sent people to the land of the dead in a way - it's simply a tidier form of murder... And has he ever DESTROYED SOMEBODY via the sheer overpowering qualities of chi before? Hmm?_

"Well..."

 _He destroyed Kai to save you and his friends and family. It's partly because of you that Po's basically a murderer! You shouldn't even be here!_

"Well I AM here! I never asked to be! I never ASKED for this, never WANTED to destroy my brother and cause Po to commit murder! You think that there's not a day goes by when I wish it had been ME who was sent to the spirit realm five centuries ago?! For all that time I wished things could be different, I- I WISHED I WAS DEAD!"

 _Would being dead then solve anything? Does it solve anything now?_

"Yes. Now I can stop accidentally meddling with things and ruining people's lives."

 _I think not. Even in death you've managed to mess things up!_

"I... It's true. I really have screwed up, haven't I? Now I'm talking to myself too - I guess I really am just a crazy, stupid, useless old turtle."*

Then a weary voice interrupted his self-conflict.

"You know, I always kept telling you to stop having these conversations with yourself. You hardly could've defeated Warlord Shēng Hōngmíng** by talking him to death, now could you?"

 **Well, was this a good chapter? Or have I messed it up? Am I overdoing either the angst or the self-conflict arguments? I think they make it stylised, but it's not just me reading it! Please share your thoughts!**

 ***DON'T YOU EVEN DARE. AND THERE WON'T BE OREOS THIS TIME!**

 ****Not a canon character, the name roughly translates to "Roaring Thunder" in Chinese as far as I know. I may or may not elaborate on this guy later - maybe he could be used for some good fight scenes? What do you think?**


End file.
